I finally relent to talking on the phone and we talk for a few hours. He completely took over the conversation by telling me his whole life’s story which had me thinking oh lord have mercy! Furthermore, he was just acting and talking like we were already a couple which was freaking me out. He was talking about weekend getaways and asking where I would like to move to… Wait… What?! Move to? uhh, dude, I’m fine living in New York near my family and friends what the hell?! …and I still had NO idea what this guy looked like. Finally, I say listen did our mutual friend describe me to you? Did he say anything about me? We’ve been texting for two days and I have NO clue what you look like. He says oh yes he showed me your Facebook page. WHAT??? So all this time he already knew what I looked like and apparently, he liked what he saw while I was at a disadvantage! That’s when I’d had it and said you have to at least send me a picture because I cannot continue talking to you otherwise. He said he would send one as soon as we ended the call. We hang up and I go straight to sleep because it really was super late and this whole thing was just freaking me out.
My first reaction was to blink and look again… then OH. MY. GOD! This cannot be him! I mean I expected just about anything but never, EVER this. Let’s just say we were so NOT a good match even if we did have a few things in common. I was shocked that my friend would even think to set me up with this man. I mean why? How? … My friends, my mom, my best friend’s mom all had the same reaction “OH MY GOD!” Everybody said the same thing: WHY would your friend think you’d be interested in this man? It was bad people, really bad. I was caught up in my worse set-up nightmare and now what do I do? I was offended, annoyed, pissed as all hell at being put into this situation. So I turned it around to the one who got me into this mess and I told him sorry but NO. I’m not interested in your friend. There isn’t and never will be any chemistry there. Let him tell the guy. I was as nice as possible but I really should have said how it was unfair that I didn’t get the choice of seeing a visual of what he was getting me into while his coworker had that advantage. Had I been given that choice, I would have declined from the get go and saved us all the trouble. There was nothing else I had to say to the guy so I just did not respond. I’m pretty sure he knew that would be my reaction because he did not insist. I’m sorry but I just couldn’t. I know you all are laughing at my pain. I just know it and some of you are shaking your heads at me at my reaction for punking out and not responding to the guy, but seriously… IT WAS BAD and I just couldn’t proceed with it any longer! Two days wasting my time and energy, but I learned a few very good lessons.
The first lesson is one I already knew but once again ignored it which was NEVER ignore those red flags, ringing bells or whatever you want to call them. They wave and ring for a reason. I continued on with this conversation regardless of the weird signals I was getting from this man. Our intuition speaks to us often but we tend to push it aside and forge on. Trust your instincts!
Next is don’t always trust your friends’ judgments when it comes to their choices in dating partners for you. Unless they know you like a book, it’s very likely that they will sometimes get it wrong and you’ll be stuck in a position like mine. This leads me to my next lesson…
NEVER agree to a setup unless you get an honest description or you are shown a picture before you agree to this already awkward and uncomfortable situation.
The last lesson I learned was never feel bad about your standards. We all have them and they vary by person. This is not to say that the person in question is not a really nice individual, but never disregard what you look for, what you want and need from the person you are going to date because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or your friend’s feelings. I agonized all day trying to find a nice way to tell my friend “WTF were you thinking!” Then I agonized on whether I should tell the guy sorry but I’m not interested or just let it be because again, I didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings. One of my best friends, Melissa, can tell you that I spent the whole day going back and forth with her, her mom and my mom trying to figure out the best way to get myself out of this craziness without being too harsh. The thing is, I was worried but my friend not so much. He was just like “no big deal, handle as you see fit.” Which was not a really great response from him given that he got me into this mess but that being said, I then saw fit to remove myself from this situation, ignore the guy and keep it moving. I didn’t owe him anything because we only chatted and talked on the phone for a total of two days. There were no promises made and no investment on either part. I feel like my friend should have handled this a lot better. I get that he had good intentions towards me, but he definitely went about it completely wrong from beginning to end.
So to the rest of my friends I say this:
PLEASE no matter how much you think you’re doing something good for me, I beg you to please give me all the details, descriptions and most important show pictures BEFORE going ahead and setting me up with anybody. Ultimately, it’s my decision on whether I want to go through with this as well as whether I will date someone, but it just saves us all the trouble of being caught up in a very horrifying and awkward situation.
I am perfectly fine being single so don’t think that I am going out of my mind because I’m not dating anyone or haven’t found the one to make me melt into little puddles of mush. Don’t think that I will settle for just anyone for the sake of being with someone because they are “really nice.” I will never do that. Just like love is not enough, being really nice is not enough either. There is so much more that plays into this relationship game.
We all have standards on what we are looking for in a partner, and while I’m not extremely picky (well maybe just a little lol) or set in my ways and am willing to make certain exceptions, I do need to like what I see. I need to feel attracted and feel that chemistry with someone. Otherwise, it will never work. Everybody has their own definition of beauty; we each have different tastes and likes and are attracted to different people. What one considers beautiful, another person doesn’t, but we all have our tastes in what we look for in a partner. We all tend to kid ourselves thinking “oh but it’s what’s on the inside that counts.” That’s all good and true in the long run, but the truth of it all is that when you FIRST SEE somebody on the street, on the bus, at a bar or restaurant, what attracts you to them is what you SEE. What we see is what makes our heads turn, what makes us say damn look at that guy or that girl; it’s what makes you want to talk to them and get to know them better. Do not kid yourselves thinking otherwise. This, my darlings is what the beginning of any relationship is about. You liked what you saw and you pursued it, you got to know them, liked them even more and boom… It’s the start of something that could be really beautiful if the feelings are mutual. Nevertheless, what started that something “beautiful,” was the attraction you felt when you first SAW that person.
Consequently, my nightmare ended on that snowy Friday on January 3rd. I was actually relieved because I already knew it would never work (those red flags and ringing bells again). He was already taking over my space and time and we didn’t even know each other. So my journey to find that special someone continues but in the mean-time, I am quite happy being single. I have so many things to focus on and wonderful friends and family to spend time with that there is no void of not having a special someone right now (well there is on some occasions of course, but I’m not stressing over it). When the right person shows up, I will know. However, I refuse to settle and I refuse to get myself involved with someone I feel nothing for just for the sake of having a boyfriend. I love myself too much to deprive myself of that wonderful relationship with someone who when I look at him, he makes my heart beat faster and brings that smile to my face and joy to my life. Someone I can talk to forever and the more we talk, the more I like. Someone who is the person I want to share not only the good times with but also the bad. Someone who awakens feelings in me that I don’t even know I have. Just someone who will come into my world to enhance it even more than it already is, and that this someone feels the same way about me… *sighs* 🙂
So that, my loves, was the beginning of my year. I know you’re laughing, smirking, maybe even judging my reactions. Whatever the case may be, you already know the drill. Please feel free to comment respectfully below with your opinions or perhaps you’d like to share one of your horror stories. I’m sure you’ve all been in my shoes at least once in your lives. Let’s compare. How did you handle your situation? How horrified were you? Did you continue on for the sake of not hurting someone’s feelings? Let’s discuss because in the end we have to look at this as a learning experience for the next one… Go! #engage
Until next time…